It’s Just Not Quite The Season

‘Tis the season, right?

The season for grace and patience when we least want to make time for it. 

The season for love when it’s uncomfortable or especially inconvenient. 

The season to seek peace when life feels most upside-down. 

Everyone’s season is different.

Never assume experiences. 

Never assume that the expectation of loss defines  or relieves grief. 

Never give someone a reason to think their situation “isn’t that bad.”

Never compare. 

Never justify.

Accept that people are not always like you. 

They do not always express like you. 

They do not always carry on like you. 

They do not always grieve like you. 

They do not always accept like you. 

They do not always move on like you. 

They do not always “get out there” like you.

They do not always “just smile” like you when their head is heavy with memories.

They are not always experiencing life like you. 

Never assume cancer happens the same to everyone. 

Never assume slow loss is easier.

Never assume you understand someone else’s loss because you experienced one of another kind. 

Never assume your quick loss is like a slow one. 

Never assume your slow loss is like their quick one. 

Remember that a family can face the same diagnosis and even the same defeat without sharing the same experience.

Don’t forget people are not defined by what they went through. 

Don’t forget that having grief doesn’t make someone a grief counselor. 

Don’t forget that you’re doing a good job.

You’re doing a good job even when you wake up tired.

You’re doing a good job even when your thoughts seem irrational.

You’re doing a good job even when you have to call out of work.

You’re doing a good job even when people don’t know how hard you’re trying.

You’re doing a good job even when people insist on treating you differently because they’re afraid you’re more fragile because of what you’ve lost.

Don’t forget that Christmas makes some people sad.

Even if that realization makes you uncomfortable. 

If it’s you that’s sad,

Don’t forget healing will come. 

Even if right now, healing doesn’t feel comfortable. 

Don’t let someone tell you to feel better if you’re not ready to feel better. 

Don’t forget that sometimes you will feel alone even though your favorite people don’t want you to feel it. 

Remember that you love your family even when it isn’t what it used to be. 

Remember that you cherish memories even though right now they feel distant. 

Remember that Christmas is still good even when the lights are dimmer or the loneliness is bigger simply because the calendar hits December. 

It’s okay. 

It’s okay if you’re happy, sad, angry or in-between. 

You don’t have to be what you don’t feel. 

It’s okay to be where you are. 

And it’s okay if where you are is different than you expected, wanted or hoped to be right now or by now.

Your heart isn’t a failure because you can’t fully control it. 

Give yourself grace. 

Give yourself some time. 

Remind yourself that visiting a grave isn’t love.

Remind yourself that making a season “perfect” isn’t love. 

Remind yourself that love is a lot simpler than we like to think. 

Let yourself linger where you are as long as you need. 

Forgive yourself if your lingering is longer than you planned for it to be. 

Somber celebration is okay.

You are okay.